Put seven Swedish Flower Hens next to each other and you might wonder how the hell they're all the same kind of chicken. One might be black and white, another red and brown. One has a crest while the bird next to her doesn't. Their flowering can vary wildly, and some birds may barely look flowered at all.

But underneath all that color and pattern, they should still look like Swedish Flower Hens. They share the same general round, robust body type and size range.

Winter has a way of making us worry about our older chickens a little more. That hen who's been around forever suddenly looks extra old when she's standing in the snow giving you the stink eye because you had the audacity to let winter happen.

There is chicken person.

And then there is chicken sleeping on your couch chicken person.

We understand how this happens.

One bird gets a little too friendly. Maybe she’s recovering from an injury. Maybe he’s decided humans are clearly superior company. You bring them inside “just for a little while,” and suddenly there’s a chicken watching television in your living room.

Adding new chickens sounds exciting...

...until your newest hen is getting chased across the run while everyone else acts like she's crashed an exclusive dinner party.

If you've ever wondered whether that's normal, the answer is yes...to a point.

You walk into the brooder and somebody isn’t right.

They’re puffed up. Quiet. Not eating. Maybe there’s diarrhea. Maybe you see blood in the poop and immediately think:

Coccidiosis.

Chickens don't need you standing outside the coop with an enrichment schedule and a clipboard.

They do, however, need something to do.

There comes a point in almost every chicken keeper's life when you walk into the coop, see feathers everywhere, look at one particularly unfortunate hen, and wonder what the hell happened overnight.

Before you start searching for evidence of a predator attack, take a good look at the chicken. She may just be molting.

There are a few words you can say in a chicken group if you're looking to start a fight. “Cull” is definitely one of them.

Mention that you culled a rooster from your breeding pen and somebody will inevitably react as though you just announced that you murdered Kevin in the driveway. Maybe you processed that rooster. Or maybe Kevin is currently living three pens over, eating your feed and contributing absolutely nothing to the breeding program.

There is something satisfying about knowing exactly what you're going to get.

Buy a well-bred standardized chicken and there are certain things you can reasonably expect. Body type, comb, plumage, size, and other physical characteristics have been selected generation after generation to fall within a defined standard. If you want to look across your yard and see a flock that's pretty darn consistent in appearance, that's not a bad thing. Some people genuinely love that.

We are apparently not those people. 😂

Every spring, there they are. Tiny fluffy chicks peeping away at the feed store, conveniently showing up right around Easter when somebody inevitably thinks one would be absolutely adorable in an Easter basket.

Please don't.

So you think you want chickens. Excellent. I'm a terrible person to talk you out of it because I happen to think chickens are pretty damn fantastic. But before you come home with a box of fluffy chicks and start picking names, there are a few things you should know.

Some chickens get a name because you need to tell them apart. Some get a name because of their color, something stupid they did, or some other little thing that makes them stand out.

Chet got a name because every morning when I went out to check on the chicks, she came to see me.